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Latest Humorous T-shirt Slogan:
"You Wish!"
This one has to be taken in context to be appreciated. The girl wearing this belly shirt was maybe 5'0" tall, with a muffin top going on, despite the fact that she was clearly in her third trimester of pregnancy. In addition she was wearing a thong that came up past her low-rise jeans and pushed her muffin top down over the edge to really emphasize the roll. I'm not in perfect shape so I don't expect that others should be, but when you are wearing that shirt, along with the rest of the outfit, you open yourself to scrutiny (and perhaps random looks of horror).

It's fun to hate:
The Soccer Moms who insist that they drive gas-guzzling SUV's for the safety of their children despite the fact that they are 6 times more likely to be in a rollover accident than any other vehicle. It's like beating your child unconscious with the butt of your gun so that he will remain on the floor, thus making him less likely to be hit by a random bullet coming through the front window.

When Shadowtwin reigns supreme:
There will be mandatory, passive birth control required to participate in any form of government assistance. If you can't afford to raise your child on your own we are here to help you, but we must first make sure that your reproductive organs are adequately contained. If you don't like that policy all you have to do is support your kids your damn self!
Vote Shadowtwin!


Wildly inaccurate, yet shockingly precise, predictions based completely on happenstance and arbitrary universal fluctuations.
Your Horoscope:


Sagitarius: 11/22-12/21
A typographical error in your Church's newsletter will lead to you performing sex acts on dozens of anonymous strangers in your pursuit of "oral highground."

Capricorn: 12/22-1/19
The stars did recently tell your wife to "listen to her heart" regarding whether or not she should leave you. The stars did not intend for you to listen to her heart. But once you used that bonesaw on her sternum (not trusting the stethoscope which just responded with a cryptic thumping sound), we're pretty sure she made up her mind anyway.

Aquarius: 1/20-2/18
The stars would like to apologize for stating in their last prophecy, "Be wary of the stranger you meet at beach this weekend. The stars aren't sure why, but they don't trust him." Through a cosmic hiccup, that information was supposed to be released this month. The August prophecy should have read, "A dark and handsome stranger will approach you on the beach, profess his love for you, and sweep you away for a jetset marriage. After which you will lead a long, happy, prosperous, healthy life as the Queen of a small island nation." We apologize for any inconvenience this error may have caused.

Pisces: 2/19-3/20
Your new stopwatch will allow you to time how long you can hold your breath underwater down to the thousandth of a second. Unfortunately, poor planning will mean that you are not able to actually share the information with anyone.

Aries: 3/21-4/19
Your innovative new device for beauticians to use while giving pedicures can be wildly successful and make you quite wealthy IF you change the name. Trust us, no one is going to buy a "Ped-O-File".

Taurus: 4/20-5/20
Your Mother always told you to wear clean underwear just in case there was an accident and paramadics had to see them. But as you board that plane today, the stars want you to know that you needn't worry about it. The debris field will be more than 8 square miles, making it impossible to find most human remains. Not to mention that the ensuing fire burned so hot that it disintegrated not only all fabric, but most of the thin metals aboard as well.

Gemini: 5/21-6/21
You just had to get that genital piercing, didn't you? The stars tried to warn you not to, but you went ahead and did it anyway... Now all your worst fears will come to bear when, at a campground this weekend, you run afoul of this guy:


Cancer: 6/22-7/22
The less traveled by areas of the Grand Canyon's north rim offer some of the most breathtaking views of this natural wonder. You will soon find out they also include some of the worst footings and none of the handrails. They do, however, provide equally awe-inspiring, terminal velocity impacts.

Leo: 7/23-8/22
The stars heard your pleas, begging for someone who you could share your love with and embrace for the rest of your life. If you are still single, throw your arms around the closest person to you at 3:44pm GMT on Dcember 9th -That'll be the one. Trust us, you won't have time to be picky...

Virgo: 8/23-9/22
The stars have piled up most of your things on the front porch. You can stay at a friend's house, but you aren't coming back home until you admit what you did and apologize. The stars' Mother was right about you... (you must have really pissed them off; the stars were in tears while they told me this)

Libra: 9/23-10/22
The stars have been doing a little thinking and a lot of math. The population of planet earth is roughly 6,796,590,704. That means that roughly 566,382,558 people share each astrological sign. About 18,620,796 have the same birthday. Based on average life expectancy as many as 248,277 people were born on the same day, in the same year, for every zodiac sign. How can one statement possibly predict the future of all of them? Ehh, fuck it. "A full moon while Venus is rising is an omen of good things to come."

Scorpio: 10/23-11/21
They say you never know how you are going to react to a crisis. After a home invasion this weekend you will: You will scream, "Do whatever you want to my wife, but leave me alone!" You will then create a distraction by throwing your newborn at the assailant as you dive through the window to safety. Now you know.

Music lost to history:

Aerosmith - Dream On When I started doing these, I could never have imagined that I would be putting an Aerosmith song here. Since I was born in 1974, this song is well before my generation. It was recorded in 1972 and released in 1983 on Aerosmith's Self-Titled Album, but to read the information on it at Wikipedia most of us would become familiar with it from a re-release in 1976.

Like most of the music being released in the late 60's/early 70's that was pushing the rock-n-roll envelope, Dream On relies heavily on solid composition and and melody. Before the era of the modern effects processor, these bands had no distortion to hide behind (or very little), and synthesized instruments hadn't yet made their way into music. In that way the music always sounds more raw to us today because, quite simply, it was. While it seems laughable to think about today, music like this was so far removed from the bubble-gum pop of the 50's that it still wasn't accepted into the mainstream. As the baby-boomers became the target demographic, the rock-n-roll movement really started to pick up speed, with bands like Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith clearing the path for the much darker and heavier bands like Black Sabbath.

While I (and most of my generation) are probably far more familiar with the Aerosmith of the late 80's and early 90's, the reason this song makes it onto my MLtH page comes down to one thing: Age. Not necessarily the age of the song; In fact, as I sat down to do the research for this today, I had no idea when it was released, but would have guessed (closely) the mid 70's. Tyler was born March 26, 1948, meaning that this song was written when he was only 24 years old. I'm not sure why, but I have always thought this song was pretty amazing given his age at composition. I suppose it is human nature to wax poetic about the days of yore and the imminent passage of time, but the melody sets a mood that makes you feel it right along with him. As the song nears the end and his lyrics become more more frenzied, you can almost feel the pain (longing?) in his voice. Listen to it with headphones and no distraction sometime, you'll see what I mean.

I wrote a short bit some time ago about Kelly Sweet's cover of this song (see the video on Youtube). While I have since gotten over the initial hatred I felt towards the cover of the song, I still just can't like it. The words are there; she hits the notes; but I just can't hear it in her voice. As if there is somthing very personal about the song and Tyler's deliverance of the lyrics that just can't be duplicated. At least to me.

That said, I have heard Aerosmith doing the song with an orchestra, and it also seems to lack the passion of the original. So perhaps the thing that I like so much about it is the under-produced, raw sound of it, or it may be that I am still hearing it through the ears of that impressionable youth that heard if for the first time in a dusty old Van with my Uncle Art. Either way, it seems it is Lost to History.

Music Lost to History Archive


I Can't Believe it's Not Porn!
WhorePresents.comYep, it's not porn. It's not a site with gifts for sale either, which is probably a good thing since I can't imagine that any woman would be at all flattered to get a gift -no matter how nice- in a box that says "Whore Presents.com" on it.

Daily Reading:
BlackChampagne
Magazine Man
Shane Nickerson
Wil Wheaton
Boners
Hoyazo's Poker Blog

My reading list changes from time to time, and there are many sites that I visit that are not on the list. They are listed in the order that I visit them, enjoy!



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Shadowtwin.com: the memes



Friday, December 30, 2005
 

the memes

I have never actually taken part in any of the memes that all of the bloggers do, this time I really wanted to. Mostly since I want to answer the questions that Flux put up as The evil meme of four. I figure I should answer the questions from the original meme before I do that though, so here it is.

Four jobs you've had in your life:
Dish Machine Operator (that is what the place actually called the position, I guess they just didn't want me to feel like a lowly dishwasher. Keep that in mind as I try to glorify the rest of them), Petroleum Exchange Technician (I pumped gas in Oregon where there is no self service), My current job, being butcher/stocker/cashier/manager/handyman/plumber/electrician/anything else you can think of at a family owned grocery store, Vice President in charge of frozen confection marketing, sales and distribution (while I technically only changed the prices on the billboard, collected money for ice cream cones, then served said cones, this is a fairly accurate statement).

Four movies you could watch over and over:
Pump Up the Volume, The Princess Bride, Jacob's Ladder, The Shawshank Redemption. Keep in mind that I left a few of my favorites (Monty Python and South Park most notably) out because I have seen them so often on other blogs.

Four places you've lived:
Roseburg, OR, Weaubleau, MO (though only on a summer vacation), Florence, AZ, and most notably, in a friend's garage for six months or so.

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Survivor, South Park, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Four places you've been on vacation:
Tijuana, Las Vegas, Disneyland, The Grand Canyon.

Four websites you visit daily:
I am just gonna do my first four in the surfing routine here. Black Champagne,Political Animal, Daily Rotten, Magazine Man. Magazine Man tells some great stories, if you have never read any you really should.

Four of your favorite foods:
Pizza, Chimichagas, Pollo Fundido, Funyuns.

Four places you'd rather be:
The forests in Oregon (since that was my stomping ground back in the day), the Giza plateau (must see the pyramids before I die), Ireland (must see the castles before I die), mid-air with a parachute on my back (I always wanted to try sky-diving but when I actually tried to schedule a session my boss was going to be on vacation so I had to cancel it.)

Thus the original four meme is concluded.

But that was not the one I really wanted to do, on to the good one.

Now to the evil four meme answers:

Four celebrities you'd cheat on your wife/husband/gf/bf with. (Time travel is permitted.):
Doro Pesch, of Warlock fame (would need to be in the mid to late '80's though), Marilyn Monroe (always have had a weird fascination with her) probably would be better if it was while she was alive also, Tawny Kitaen (on the hood of WhiteSnake's car, whatever year that was), Samantha Fox (only in her glory years which have long since passed. I like full-bodied women, sue me).

Four celebrities you'd like to see dead, painfully or otherwise:
Tom Cruise (compared to Scientology all the other religions seem logical), Paris Hilton (can you think of a more vapid, uselss person? She should have been swallowed long before conception), Rob Schneider (I think Schneider is a great comic, however, I can't justify pumping out movies that suck then criticising the critics that say the movies suck. Suck it up Rob. Your movies suck. Go back to stand-up and get your crowd back). There is a certain nameless individual who has to come first on my list, I am not sure that he is actaually a celebrity, but he has some impressive credentials that make me hate him and, therefore, wish his death. Take from the last statement what you will.

Four movies you'd like to erase from your brain:
This one is a bit subjective. There are movies that I wish to erase from my brain because I hated them, every Star Wars 4-6 would fall into that category. There are also movies that I would like to erase simply because I have bad memories about them. First up will be The Hearse (that was the first horror movie I ever watched, I think I was six at the time, it creeped the hell out of me... I still have hearse related nightmares). Pretty in Pink (enough said). Basektball, this one I only saw a couple of minutes of but it soured me to the whole thing. Every Matrix movie that had a number following the title/ every Star Wars title that put a number before the title.

Four places you never, ever want to visit.
Washington, DC, anywhere in the southern united states (the places where they don't understand why slavery isn't legal), Iraq, DisneyLand.

Four TV shows you wish you had never seen/never want to see.
Lost, CSI (I watched that show when it was called "The New Detectives" on the Discovery channel), Judge Judy, The OC.

Four websites you wish would cease to exist.
I would need an audio clip of crickets at night to make this one work. Everyone is enitled to their voice. No matter how wrong, in my opinion, that voice is, there is nothing I can do about it.

Of the "Seven Deadly Sins," which four do you most frequently indulge in? (Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Greed, Sloth.)
Envy, Lust, Greed, Sloth.

Of these four, which would you give your life to save? Your mother, father, wife/husband/SO, or children:
I would certainly give my own life to save my wife. I wouldn't do the same for anyone else on that list. I don't have any children, so the wife is the most important/valuable person in my life. My father is dead, my mother would probably understand the choice (were it her or me) if I didn't take the bullet for her. My wife is a couple years younger than me, I hope she would just avoid the gunfire in the first place, if she didn't she would be able to move on without me, that doesn't work the other way.

Have a Happy New Year, all.

Comments:
you only listed 3 celebs, you got so caught up in your rob schneider rant. or does he count twice?

I considered listing Paris myself, but she's such an easy target that i second thought and realized that she does provide some amusement. She's weird, and really seems to be enjoying the bizarre life she's chosen for herself. Find a shot where she's not smiling at the papparazi? Most every other celeb seems to be pissed at them most of the time, but Paris loves it, and she's worked hard, in a twisted sort of way, to achieve her level of fame. She didn't just marry someone, and yeah, her family name is famous, but not really. Name another living Hilton, besides Paris' lesser-known sister? It's not like they're Kennedys or something, with automatic fame.
 
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