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Latest Humorous T-shirt Slogan:
"You Wish!"
This one has to be taken in context to be appreciated. The girl wearing this belly shirt was maybe 5'0" tall, with a muffin top going on, despite the fact that she was clearly in her third trimester of pregnancy. In addition she was wearing a thong that came up past her low-rise jeans and pushed her muffin top down over the edge to really emphasize the roll. I'm not in perfect shape so I don't expect that others should be, but when you are wearing that shirt, along with the rest of the outfit, you open yourself to scrutiny (and perhaps random looks of horror).

It's fun to hate:
The Soccer Moms who insist that they drive gas-guzzling SUV's for the safety of their children despite the fact that they are 6 times more likely to be in a rollover accident than any other vehicle. It's like beating your child unconscious with the butt of your gun so that he will remain on the floor, thus making him less likely to be hit by a random bullet coming through the front window.

When Shadowtwin reigns supreme:
There will be mandatory, passive birth control required to participate in any form of government assistance. If you can't afford to raise your child on your own we are here to help you, but we must first make sure that your reproductive organs are adequately contained. If you don't like that policy all you have to do is support your kids your damn self!
Vote Shadowtwin!


Wildly inaccurate, yet shockingly precise, predictions based completely on happenstance and arbitrary universal fluctuations.
Your Horoscope:


Sagitarius: 11/22-12/21
A typographical error in your Church's newsletter will lead to you performing sex acts on dozens of anonymous strangers in your pursuit of "oral highground."

Capricorn: 12/22-1/19
The stars did recently tell your wife to "listen to her heart" regarding whether or not she should leave you. The stars did not intend for you to listen to her heart. But once you used that bonesaw on her sternum (not trusting the stethoscope which just responded with a cryptic thumping sound), we're pretty sure she made up her mind anyway.

Aquarius: 1/20-2/18
The stars would like to apologize for stating in their last prophecy, "Be wary of the stranger you meet at beach this weekend. The stars aren't sure why, but they don't trust him." Through a cosmic hiccup, that information was supposed to be released this month. The August prophecy should have read, "A dark and handsome stranger will approach you on the beach, profess his love for you, and sweep you away for a jetset marriage. After which you will lead a long, happy, prosperous, healthy life as the Queen of a small island nation." We apologize for any inconvenience this error may have caused.

Pisces: 2/19-3/20
Your new stopwatch will allow you to time how long you can hold your breath underwater down to the thousandth of a second. Unfortunately, poor planning will mean that you are not able to actually share the information with anyone.

Aries: 3/21-4/19
Your innovative new device for beauticians to use while giving pedicures can be wildly successful and make you quite wealthy IF you change the name. Trust us, no one is going to buy a "Ped-O-File".

Taurus: 4/20-5/20
Your Mother always told you to wear clean underwear just in case there was an accident and paramadics had to see them. But as you board that plane today, the stars want you to know that you needn't worry about it. The debris field will be more than 8 square miles, making it impossible to find most human remains. Not to mention that the ensuing fire burned so hot that it disintegrated not only all fabric, but most of the thin metals aboard as well.

Gemini: 5/21-6/21
You just had to get that genital piercing, didn't you? The stars tried to warn you not to, but you went ahead and did it anyway... Now all your worst fears will come to bear when, at a campground this weekend, you run afoul of this guy:


Cancer: 6/22-7/22
The less traveled by areas of the Grand Canyon's north rim offer some of the most breathtaking views of this natural wonder. You will soon find out they also include some of the worst footings and none of the handrails. They do, however, provide equally awe-inspiring, terminal velocity impacts.

Leo: 7/23-8/22
The stars heard your pleas, begging for someone who you could share your love with and embrace for the rest of your life. If you are still single, throw your arms around the closest person to you at 3:44pm GMT on Dcember 9th -That'll be the one. Trust us, you won't have time to be picky...

Virgo: 8/23-9/22
The stars have piled up most of your things on the front porch. You can stay at a friend's house, but you aren't coming back home until you admit what you did and apologize. The stars' Mother was right about you... (you must have really pissed them off; the stars were in tears while they told me this)

Libra: 9/23-10/22
The stars have been doing a little thinking and a lot of math. The population of planet earth is roughly 6,796,590,704. That means that roughly 566,382,558 people share each astrological sign. About 18,620,796 have the same birthday. Based on average life expectancy as many as 248,277 people were born on the same day, in the same year, for every zodiac sign. How can one statement possibly predict the future of all of them? Ehh, fuck it. "A full moon while Venus is rising is an omen of good things to come."

Scorpio: 10/23-11/21
They say you never know how you are going to react to a crisis. After a home invasion this weekend you will: You will scream, "Do whatever you want to my wife, but leave me alone!" You will then create a distraction by throwing your newborn at the assailant as you dive through the window to safety. Now you know.

Music lost to history:

Aerosmith - Dream On When I started doing these, I could never have imagined that I would be putting an Aerosmith song here. Since I was born in 1974, this song is well before my generation. It was recorded in 1972 and released in 1983 on Aerosmith's Self-Titled Album, but to read the information on it at Wikipedia most of us would become familiar with it from a re-release in 1976.

Like most of the music being released in the late 60's/early 70's that was pushing the rock-n-roll envelope, Dream On relies heavily on solid composition and and melody. Before the era of the modern effects processor, these bands had no distortion to hide behind (or very little), and synthesized instruments hadn't yet made their way into music. In that way the music always sounds more raw to us today because, quite simply, it was. While it seems laughable to think about today, music like this was so far removed from the bubble-gum pop of the 50's that it still wasn't accepted into the mainstream. As the baby-boomers became the target demographic, the rock-n-roll movement really started to pick up speed, with bands like Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith clearing the path for the much darker and heavier bands like Black Sabbath.

While I (and most of my generation) are probably far more familiar with the Aerosmith of the late 80's and early 90's, the reason this song makes it onto my MLtH page comes down to one thing: Age. Not necessarily the age of the song; In fact, as I sat down to do the research for this today, I had no idea when it was released, but would have guessed (closely) the mid 70's. Tyler was born March 26, 1948, meaning that this song was written when he was only 24 years old. I'm not sure why, but I have always thought this song was pretty amazing given his age at composition. I suppose it is human nature to wax poetic about the days of yore and the imminent passage of time, but the melody sets a mood that makes you feel it right along with him. As the song nears the end and his lyrics become more more frenzied, you can almost feel the pain (longing?) in his voice. Listen to it with headphones and no distraction sometime, you'll see what I mean.

I wrote a short bit some time ago about Kelly Sweet's cover of this song (see the video on Youtube). While I have since gotten over the initial hatred I felt towards the cover of the song, I still just can't like it. The words are there; she hits the notes; but I just can't hear it in her voice. As if there is somthing very personal about the song and Tyler's deliverance of the lyrics that just can't be duplicated. At least to me.

That said, I have heard Aerosmith doing the song with an orchestra, and it also seems to lack the passion of the original. So perhaps the thing that I like so much about it is the under-produced, raw sound of it, or it may be that I am still hearing it through the ears of that impressionable youth that heard if for the first time in a dusty old Van with my Uncle Art. Either way, it seems it is Lost to History.

Music Lost to History Archive


I Can't Believe it's Not Porn!
WhorePresents.comYep, it's not porn. It's not a site with gifts for sale either, which is probably a good thing since I can't imagine that any woman would be at all flattered to get a gift -no matter how nice- in a box that says "Whore Presents.com" on it.

Daily Reading:
BlackChampagne
Magazine Man
Shane Nickerson
Wil Wheaton
Boners
Hoyazo's Poker Blog

My reading list changes from time to time, and there are many sites that I visit that are not on the list. They are listed in the order that I visit them, enjoy!



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Shadowtwin.com: For Ed



Thursday, June 15, 2006
 

For Ed

I am a sucker for those IQ tests that seem to be everywhere on the internet nowadays. I am pretty sure that they are in no way accurate, since if the results were to be believed, I have an IQ in the 160's. While I like to think that I am smarter than the average bear, I am certainly no Marilyn vos Savant. Still, they are fun to take if for no other reason than to see how much you have forgotten since High School.

The last one I took, which was several months ago, had a question on it that was just so horrible I decided to copy it down for further examination. I don't remember which particular test this question was on, but you find similar on almost every one of these tests, yet never one so horribly put together.

Here is the question in question, as it were:

Ed likes 729 but not 730. He likes 1728 but not 1725. He likes 3375 but not 3400. Which of the following does Ed like?
A) 4072
B) 4913
C) 4734
D) None of the above
E) All of the above

First things first, the question is bullshit based solely on the fact that "None of the above" is listed before "All of the above". Since if A, B, and C are all correct, you can't answer "All of the above" or you are including "None of the above" in your answer. But I am just going to assume that was an oversight, even though every question on the test had the final two answers arranged that way. Now, on to the real reasons why this is a bullshit question.

Answer A is the correct answer because: Given what we know about Ed, he will invariably like the first number given on any list. We know with certainty that he won't like the second number given on the list, but the question doesn't actually say how he feels about the third number on lists. So I am going to assume that he always likes the first number, never likes the second number, and is generally indifferent about the third number. At any rate, I think it is fair to say that Ed has an unhealthy fascination with numbers. Ed needs to get laid.

Answer B is the correct answer because: This is the answer that I actually selected when I took the test, and it is the one I think they were looking for. In the question, the numbers that Ed liked -729, 1728, & 3375 all have cube roots that are whole numbers (take that! Useless memorization in High School pays off!). Of the three available answers, only 4913 also has a whole number as a cube root. So again I say, I think that this was the answer they were looking for.

Answer C is the correct answer because: All of the numbers that Ed likes in the question have digits that add up to 18: 729 - 7+2+9=18; 1728 - 1+7+2+8=18; 3375 - 3+3+7+5=18. Of the available answers, only 4734 - 4+7+3+4=18. So clearly this is the correct answer.

So, since A,B, & C are all correct for one reason or another, the answer has to be "All of the above". Of course the answer can't be "All of the above", since that would include "None of the above". Stupid test.

Like I said, I answered B on this question, and I am pretty sure that was the one they were looking for. The argument for A being the right answer is really pretty baseless, but given the presentation of the question, the argument can't be logically disproven. The real problem is in deciding whether B or C is the correct answer. The question is pretty vague. It doesn't really tell you what answer they are looking for, nor does it give you any hint of a reason why Ed likes the numbers he likes. If answer C would have been 4731 instead of 4734, I think we could all agree that Ed is just a whole cube root freak. But the way the question is presented, we have to decide whether Ed is a whole cube root freak, or if he has a "digits add to 18" fetish. And really, I don't want to know what sort of weird kinky shit Ed is into. Frankly, Ed frightens me a little bit (no offense, Ed).

So if you are ever putting together an IQ test of your very own, please take care to make sure only one of your answers could be right. Or, failing that, put the "all of the above" option above the "none of the above" option. 'Cause did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, Ed likes to swing both ways. Maybe Ed doesn't appreciate your Republican, Bible-Thumping, Better than Thou attitude. Maybe Ed is up in his room right now dreaming about a 3-way with 4913 & 4734, after which he plans to spend a little quality time with 4072. After that he might even take on 8817, and you know 8817 comes from the wrong side of the tracks. But Ed's not doing it because he wants to. No no, Ed is doing it because he doesn't want to conform to your one-number pigeon-holing tactics. When Ed tragically dies while trying to take on 691457, the blood will be on your hands Mr. IQ test writer! I hope you are happy, you heartless bastard!

....

In loving memory of Ed. -4072 4913 4734- Gone but never forgotten...

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